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The Groom's a fag;

the bride's a cunt;

the best man's a whore;

and the maiden of honor (just) hung herself in the closet

[a celebration of marriage]



Daniel is pretty gay, but he’s marrying Nora. Nora is a virgin that wants her wedding-night to be a magical odyssey of sexual awakening. Shit gets fucked up at the Bachelor Party. Shit gets even more fucked up at the Bachelorette Party. And the wedding is the biggest shit-show of them all.

A song, a dance, an image, a poem all wrapped inside a sloppy-overstuffed burrito of a play about glamping, hookers, cocaine, ghosts from our past, Emma Stone, the Easter bunny, hauntings, and the horrors of commitment.

the why.


6F, 6M; Full-length; Comedy-Horror, Experimental, Movement

Daniel:  Groom; a lil gay; queer, black, man, mid-20s

Fred:  Best man; typical douche; white man, mid-20s

Mikey: Will do anything to seem cool to Fred; white man, mid-20s

Tosh:  Daniel's college best friend; gay, black man, mid-20s

Nora:  Bride; needs this day to be perfect; white woman, mid-20s

Peyton:  Wants to be the maid of honor desperately; white woman, mid-20s

Georgie:  Holding onto a lot from high school; white woman, mid-20s

Mona:  Gay and brown and so happy to have escaped; Latina, mid-20s 

Helena:  The maiden-of-honor, but nobody knows why; white woman, mid-20s

Janelle:  Daniel's sister, hates Nora; black woman, mid-20s

Justine:  Erratic wedding planner; any race, early-30s (doubles with Tori)

Tori:  A Bachelor Party Surprise; any race, early 30s (doubles with Justine)

The Bunny:  A ghost, a haunting; white male, mid-20s

This one is personal.  It's about all the shit that scares me.  The stuff that haunts me.  It's a play disguised as a poem and a poem disguised as a play.  I am fascinated by all the things that haunt people and every character in this world is haunted.  Very haunted.  Every time I finish a draft of this one, I feel winded.  Like someone's punched me in the gut.  And that's a good thing.


Publicity Photos

"...epitome of Fringe Festival: loud, profane, booze-sodden, rock-fueled...incisively raw script..."

-Mark Cofta, Broad Street Review

"...seriously funny, give-no-fucks script..."

-Chris Munden, Phindie


"Walker’s frightening, funny, and foul-mouthed creation ranges from his engaging send-up of the horror-film genre to his indictment of life in our backwater swamplands to his keen observations on the behavior, attitudes, pleasures, and challenges of his own generation."

-Deb Miller, DC Metro Theatre Arts

"...exemplary evening of theatre..freewheeling, foul-mouthed, strangely of the BEST PLAYS OF 2017..."

-Cameron Kelsall, Broad Street Review

"Walker’s prodigious talents as a writer: Imagine a love child sired by Tennessee Williams and Charles Ludlam and raised by Annie Baker. His text has the rollicking, improvisatory feel of devised theatre, minus the self-congratulatory navel gazing."

-Cameron Kelsall, Phindie

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